


This Is What It Feels Like

by qadreel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Hunters, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, M/M, eventual angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:22:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3815392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qadreel/pseuds/qadreel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You look at him and the world stops and you can only smile as he takes your breath away. This is what it feels like to be in love. // Destiel AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Favorite Color Is...

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not be finished, so don't get your hopes up too much. I have the story outlined, but it's really difficult for me to write over long periods of time. This is a destiel AU where they're lifelong friends/soulmates and eventually get together.

On January 24, 1979, two newborn babies were brought into this world, just two doors down from each other in the hospital. One was born into the Winchester family, the other to the Novak family. The Winchesters decided to call their baby Dean, while the Novaks called their boy Castiel.

They were both raised very well; the Novak family choosing to take their baby to church every Sunday and raise him into a Catholic home, while the Winchester family liked taking Dean on walks and to parks, even if he couldn’t play on anything. He was still just a baby.

The Winchester family didn’t go to church much. John personally didn’t believe in God much, but Mary was very religious. She placed angels all over the house as well as crosses. She even placed an angel in Dean’s room. Every night, she’d kiss his head and tell him that angels were watching over him, which must’ve been true. He was never sick or unhappy. To Dean, nothing could go wrong.

Castiel, on the other hand, was a grumpy baby. Everything was horrible and he only wanted to sleep. Sometimes, he’d refuse food, even though he was very hungry and needed the milk to survive. The only thing that could cheer him up was his older brother Gabriel playing with him with reckless abandon while Michael, the eldest, told him to stop; told him to set the baby down because Castiel was fragile.

“He’s fine!” Gabriel laughed, twirling Castiel in the air. “Look at him, he’s smiling! Cassie’s enjoying this, Mike.”

“Gabriel, if you hurt him, I swear to God I will hurt you,” Michael growled out, but made no move to grab Castiel from his big brother’s arms.

“Yeah, yeah...” Gabriel sighed, going to set Castiel back in his crib. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m lots of fun.”

“Nah.”

“Yes, I am.”

The arguing went on for a few hours after that, but they were okay with each other once more by the end of the argument. That’s how life was at the Novak household. Fights never lasted long.

Dean Winchester had no brothers or sisters for the first four years of his life before his mother got pregnant and gave birth to their second son, which they named Sam Winchester. Sam was a curious baby, and by the time he was one, was very attached to his brother Dean. Which is why he was so upset when Dean had to leave for his first day of kindergarten.

“Sammy, y’have to let go of me,” Dean tried to pull away, but Sam’s grip was tight for a two-year-old.

“No,” Sam whined. No was his favorite word.

“Sam, leave your brother alone,” Mary sighed, picking the toddler up and holding him close. She turned her attention to Dean. “Do you have your lunch?”

Dean nodded, showing her the Superman lunchbox. 

Mary smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “Have a good day today, Dean. Make lots of friends.”

“I will, momma,” Dean smiled before rushing out to catch the bus.

The school that Dean would be going to was connected to the elementary and middle school. The school didn’t have much of a budget, so a lot of things had to be paid for out of pocket. Most of the money that the school received went to the kindergarten, so Dean had a wonderful time in kindergarten.

He wasn’t shy when he arrived. Dean went around introducing himself and saying hello to the other kids, wanting to make friends like his mother had told him to. When the bell rung, the teacher drew everyone’s attention and led them to a rainbow carpet. The colors were separated into columns and each column had five squares in it. That’s where the kids would sit after being taught how to sit criss-cross applesauce.

“Okay, class,” the teacher, Miss Sarah, smiled. “Since it’s the first day, I’m going to ask you to stand up here and introduce yourself to the class. Maybe you could say what your favorite food is, too?”

The kids seemed very excited to get up there. It was a very small class, but Dean had never seen so many people in his life. He was content.

When it was his turn to go, which didn’t take long, he stood up tall and gave a big smile. “My name is Dean, but my little brother Sammy calls me De. He’s two. ‘m six years old and my favorite color’s yellow.”

“Good job, Dean,” Ms. Sarah motioned for him to sit down. As Dean was sitting down, the door to the classroom opened and in stepped a mother with her child. “Oh, you must be Castiel. Come on in, we’re just getting started.”

The teacher got up to talk to the mother as Castiel walked over to the carpet and sat down, folding his legs and putting his hands in his lap. He kept his gaze on the multicolored rug, choosing not to say a single word to anyone.

Dean didn’t exactly know why he wasn’t going over and introducing himself, but he felt like it wasn’t the time. The new kid looked very shy and Dean didn’t want to upset him. His mother had taught him to always be nice to everyone, even if they’re mean to you.

_“The mean ones will be so surprised that they’ll leave you alone,” she smiled, rocking in a chair with Dean in her lap. “Maybe eventually they’ll even be nice back. There’s no reason for anyone to be rude to anyone.”_

Ms. Sarah returned to the class and called Castiel up to introduce himself. When he showed signs of being incredibly nervous, Ms. Sarah helped him. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“...Castiel Novak,” he mumbled, looking up. “My name is Castiel Novak.”

“What’s your favorite color, Castiel?”

“Green.”

When Castiel sat back down, Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of him anymore. Any commotion in the room seemed to drown out and call Dean could think about was how blue this little boy’s eyes were. He said yellow was his favorite color, but he was wrong. His favorite color is the color of the ocean when the sun is shining on it. His favorite color is the color of the sky just after the sun disappears. His favorite color is _blue_.

When recess rolled around, Dean finally got the chance to talk to the boy. He made a beeline for him, pushing past other kids just to get the opportunity to see his eyes again.

“Hello,” Dean smiled at him, hands resting on his hips. “’m Dean.”

Castiel looked up at the little boy, eyes widening a little bit. Nobody besides his parents or brothers had ever really talked to him before and he didn’t exactly know what to say. After a few moments, he finally said hello. “I’m Castiel.”

“’s nice to meet’cha, Cas!” Dean smiled wider. “Your eyes ‘re really blue.”

“I know,” Castiel looked away.

Dean bit his lip. Cas was the shy type. He’d never met a shy person before.

“...d’you wanna play with me, Cas? ‘m sure we can find somethin’ t’do.”

Castiel nodded. They spent the rest of the day playing together and ignoring what the teacher tried to tell them. Dean’s mission was to help Cas overcome his shyness and that’s exactly what he did.

At the end of the day, the two boys were very close. Castiel went home to tell his brothers about the little boy he’d met that day and Dean went home to ask for macaroni and cheese for dinner. He dreamed of the ocean that night.


	2. What I Want Most Is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little kids get into fights sometimes. Fights just seem to happen more often in these families.

The bad thing about little kids is that they don’t like to share. Whether it be toys or their parents, they hog everything and throw a fit when they get told that they can’t do that. With Castiel, he liked to hog space. He’d throw everyone out of the room (or push them gently) just so he could have it, and then he’d get lonely when nobody was around.

Dean, on the other hand, liked to hog toys and his mother. He always got upset with his father and his brother whenever Mary paid any bit of attention to them. Dean wouldn’t shake that habit for a long time.

“’s not fair,” Dean mumbled, hugging his mother’s legs. “You're my mom.”

“And I’m Sammy’s mom, too. I’m also John’s wife. A lot of people need my attention, sweetheart,” Mary spoke sweetly. The woman never seemed to get upset with her children, even when she knew that they’d done something wrong. They were only children.

“But ‘s not fair.”

“I know,” Mary picked him up and held him close. “How about we go out for ice cream this weekend? Just you and me?”

Dean was a lot happier after she offered.

“Okay,” she smiled, setting him down again. “Go wash up for dinner and tell your father that he should be washing up too.”

Dean ran off to go tell John that it was dinner time before going to wash his hands and face. He went to go grab Sammy and carry him to the table.

Dinners at the Winchester household were always lovely. John always had a story to tell and Mary’s cooking was one of the best things that any of them had ever tasted. She was always trying new recipes out, and since the vegetables they had were always fresh because she had her own garden, none of the kids ever complained.

Of course, if Dean had his way, they’d never eat vegetables again. They weren’t bad though.

Tonight, John told a story about how when he’d walked to work, he saw a new pet shop on the corner. There was a new puppy inside and he thought maybe it’d be nice to have a furry friend around the house.

“Maybe in a year or two,” he concluded, taking another bite of the pork chop in front of him. “When we have enough money to take care of a dog.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Castiel was sitting at the table trying to fling peas at his brother Michael. They always missed and ended up in the sink, but at least it wasn’t much of a mess that his mother had to clean up after.

Michael was talking about a girl in his fifth-grade class named Anna Milton. He didn’t much care for her or her red hair, but she was smarter than him and that’s the main reason why he didn’t like her. Michael was supposed to be the smartest one in his class, but he was getting beaten--

“ _\--by a girl_ ,” Michael huffed.

“Watch your tone,” his mother warned. “Girls are just as good as boys are and you know it, mister. Eat your peas.”

Michael grumbled but did as told.

“I’m sure she isn’t that bad, Mike,” Gabriel leaned back in his chair, refusing to eat the rest of his dinner. “A little competition is fun.”

“What do you know? You’re only in third grade.”

“So? ‘s not like I don’t know anything. We’re learning cursive now.”

Castiel finally hit Michael with a pea.

“Castiel, stop it,” his mother warned. “Go to your room.”

Castiel, of course, didn’t like being told to go to his room.

“Gabriel started it!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did--”

“ _ **Enough!**_ ” their mother shouted. “Both of you, to your rooms. Lights off. Bed.”

Castiel rushed off to his room to throw a fit. Gabriel didn’t really care enough to be upset about it. Sleep would be nice.

Michael cleaned the dishes before bed and got rewarded for being a good boy during dinner, even with the sexist remark he had made.

When Castiel finally calmed down from his fit, he laid in bed and thought about the boy with the green eyes until sleep took him.

Towards the end of the school year, Castiel and Dean were closer than ever. They got to have sleepovers, they got invited to each others birthday parties, and they never fought. At least, not until the very last day of May.

“Give it back!” Dean shouted, running after Castiel. “Give it back right now!”

“No! ‘s mine!” Castiel continued to run away from Dean, clutching a Superman action figure.

“Momma bought it for me! ‘s mine! Come back here, jerk!”

Dean tackled Castiel and took the action figure from him, huffing and holding it close as he got up. Castiel burst into tears and threw a fit, but the teacher came out and split them both up. They were both sent to timeout in separate corners of the kindergarten nap room.

When the day ended and Dean walked past Castiel on his way out of the building, he looked at him with anger. “I’ll never like you again.”

Dean cried and cried all night that evening, clinging to his mother. The only thing that helped him calm down was his mother’s voice singing “Hey Jude” to him.

When Mary put Dean to bed and went to curl up with John, the arguing started again. They didn’t have enough money and even though Mary desperately wanted to get a job, John wouldn’t let her. Sam needed her to stay home.  
John slept on the couch that evening.

Dean didn’t see the blue eyed boy all summer, but it didn’t matter. He had plenty of other friends. The Harvelles loved having him over at their house because he got along good with Ellen’s daughter, Joanna, even if they did fight a lot. It was only playful fighting.

Sometimes, Dean got to stay over at Uncle Bobby’s with Sam. He had an auto parts shop, and even though Dean didn’t really understand what that was, he liked running around through the yard. It was filled with old cars and rusty metal, but it was the perfect place to play until the sun went down.

Castiel didn’t go outside much in the summer. He only wanted to stay home and read his books, even if he couldn’t read very well. Reading was the one thing that got him away from his home life as well as thinking about that stupid Dean Winchester.

The only time he went outside in the summer was when Michael and Gabriel were fighting, or when his father locked himself away to write and drink. He knew his mother was getting ready to leave his father. Divorce wasn’t a new concept to him. Gabriel was his half-brother. Women had come and gone.

Cas just wished something good would come and stay forever.

He wanted that something to be Dean.


End file.
